When I was a child I felt at my most comfortable when I was on my own. I was both shy and introverted which created some social challenges for me!
I come from a large family and I remember at family gatherings I’d sometimes feel overwhelmed by the noise and general chaos and so I’d quietly retire to a room on my own and read. Luckily, my mother realised early on what was happening and so explained on my behalf to various friends and family that I wasn’t being rude, or that I didn’t like them, but that I just needed some time away to be on my own.
As I got older, my shyness reduced but my introversion remained.
This created challenges at work where we prescribe certain traits to roles. For example, if you want to work in finance or something technical it is generally deemed ‘okay’ to be introverted. However, if you (as I did) wanted to move into management roles it was important for me to be more of an extrovert.
Indeed, in the UK great leaders are generally seen as great orators and people who ‘lead from the front’. Look at some of the most admired business leaders for example.
However, some of the best leaders (who you have probably never heard of) I’ve worked for have been quiet, reflective people who let their teams grow and shine.
Today, my value – both professionally and socially – is still measured to some extent my by ability to be the ‘life and soul of the party’. I’m still not the person at parties who tells the jokes or circulates the room.
I’ve enjoyed some success in my field and I’m sometimes asked to speak at conferences and events and for a long time have wrestled with my desire to be seen as ‘successful’ and my comfort with my introversion. Inevitably these days I decline – I’d much rather be facilitating a conversation than controlling it.
What does this mean for leadership and engagement?
- When we recruit and use psychometric testing, do we look for people who compliment and balance our teams or who will ‘lead from the front’ – even if that isn’t what is required?
- In our organisations, have we created a ‘culture of extroversion’ that automatically excludes half our workforce? Do our company values subtly play to the extroverts, or celebrate individuality?
- Are we promoting the ‘alpha males’ who can command the attention of an entire room or the person who can get the best from others?
- Do we value ‘team’ over ‘individual’ rather than what is best at that time, for that project?
- In our personal lives, do we make excuses for our children/spouses/friends who prefer to be out of the limelight or do we celebrate them for how they make us feel?
Watch the TED Talk that inspired this post below. Many thanks to @annekadeva for sharing the talk.